I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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