At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
