My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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