Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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