I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
did you just send me my own nude
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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