What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
