I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
