Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
