I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
