I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
