she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
