This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
