quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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