If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
