I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
