and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They left me at home... I'm a liability
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
