You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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