I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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