we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
