Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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