i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
