Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
