I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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