my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
