Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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