so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So apparently I’m into choking now
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