She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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