My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
