It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
