Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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