we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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