he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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