There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
