Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
