I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
