just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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