I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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