Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
