i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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