Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
