My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
