Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
