I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
