I have demons in me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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