Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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