We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
