We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
