george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
