i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
