I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
