Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
